Recent studies indicate that 25% of sexual abusers are female. 37% of their victims are male; 19% of their victims are female.
Monique has sexual problems going back to her being molested by her brother (and probably by her father as well). Monique admits being molested as a child — by her brother, she says, but since her mother died I’ve seen her prancing around half-naked front of her father at every opportunity and every time we visited. This makes me suspect that it really was her father who molested her, or both of them — and I know that victims sometimes become molesters (which might explain her molesting her own daughter). Tape recordings from our marriage counseling sessions support this:
Quotes from our Marriage Counseling session (from recording)
PA: Your brother was raised female and you were raised male. Your brother was created more feminine and you are attracted to feminine men.
PA: I’d like you to write a letter to your dad and read it to me, before you confront him. I’d like to see what’s at the bottom of this whole man-hate thing. Why you don’t want to pleasure the sensuousness in a man. What did your daddy do that men now have to pay for? Especially if you get them trapped in your little spider web where you don’t have to be good to them anymore, they’re stuck with you. They’re married to you. You have two of their kids. So they’re stuck — helpless like flies in a spider trap....
Monique: Do I get the credit of perhaps not knowing what I was doing.
PA. I fully understand that. I’m bringing you to consciousness as fast as I can. And I want you to write him a letter that you read to me about your whole childhood experience. And if you had other men that may have molested you or not treated you right write letters to them too. I want to know what Chris is paying for from your past cause it obviously isn’t Chris.
Monique has been molesting at least one of our daughters since about a year after her mother died. In their research paper "Female Sexual Abusers: A Theory of Loss," Wakefield, Rogers, and Underwager, present evidence that maternal incest is not as uncommon as once believed and that "One type of perpetrator we have observed is a woman who has a history of losses..." On at least 12 occasions since the beginning of 1998 I have warned Monique about prolonged kissing of my daughter on the lips and later, about involving her tongue in any such kisses.
It is probably significant to note that her sexual behavior with me became aberrant around the same time. Beginning on in January 1998 and getting progressively worse through September of 1998 she began exhibiting a brutal bloodlust for sexual mutilation. This was totally out of character for her. I pleaded that this couldn’t go on. A handful of people know about this because I confided in them that I did not like what was happening.
June 1998:
Coinciding with her growing fascination with extremely rough sex was the gradually lengthening and inappropriate kissing of my daughter (so gradual that my daughter probably didn’t know what was going on) and also her prancing around half naked enticingly in front of her father. All of which were also completely out of character for her.
Throughout the summer of 1998 I caught her twice fondling my daughter in a sexual manner. It was very upsetting and I begged her to stop. I discussed it in the summer and fall with friends from the States and also Holland. I also brought up my fears to Dr. Mim in September, a therapist that we saw a couple times that summer. I told them all that I was going to the authorities the next time I caught her trying anything sexual with my daughter.
Saturday 2 January 1999:
On Saturday, 2 January 1999 it happened. We were watching a movie in the family room with me in a chair and Monique on the couch with her arm around my daughter's neck hanging over her shoulder. I turned around and saw Monique’s hand fondling her in a sexual way for the third time since the summer.
When she left the room I immediately informed her that I was going to take the kids to have them examined for molestation that week (that is, the week starting the next day, January 4). She looked very worried. She disappeared for the entire night (presumably cooking up a plan with Liduina Deering although I can only speculate as to where she spent that night) and on January 4th abducted my children into Liduina’s Wicca coven where she and the children lived under shocking conditions for two months (although Stephanie did escape home to me for ten days in January).
February through May
I started visiting the various departments for social services to ask for help with the problem of Monique molesting my daughter. I was told that the Raad voor de Kinderbescherming (Dutch Child Protection Agency) would take care of the investigation.
Because no one had done anything and no one was doing anything, I decided to take the matter into my own hands and find a therapist:
1) I called the number on the folders for “sexual abuse victims” that the police stations are giving out (Heemstede, Overveen, Zandvoort, and Haarlem) and also the RIAGG (department of social services) and that is available in all doctors’ offices: 023-5340-350 -- this number does not exist! Later I was to discover that these posters and folders were simply part of a large-scale child-molestation scheme to make the public believe the problem was being dealt with while leaving children no one to turn to and the molesters free to do as they like (Holland has one of the highest rates of incest and child molestation in the world, it is practically accepted as the norm there -- everyone is “looking the other way”). Somewhat later I reported this devious plot and it is now under investigation by Holland’s foremost investigative reporter.
2) I telephoned the number on the big poster about child Molestation at the Child Protection Agency: 06-8400 -- this number did not and does not exist!
3) I called information and they could only find one Sexual Geweld (sexual victim) or Sexual Mishandling (sexual abuse) number in the entire country and that was in Utrecht: 0900-899-8411 -- this is an answering machine. Having finally located a number that was actually in existence, I left my phone number every day between Friday 9 April and Thursday 15 April and they never returned my call. I also called during their consultation hours (stated on their message tape) between 7 and 9 on Tuesday and Friday and there was nothing more than the same message. When I received a call back, about a month later, I discovered that they number dealt only with reports about Catholic priests.
Friday 9 April 1999:
On Friday 9 April 1999 the Raad voor de Kinderbescherming (Dutch Child Protection Agency) let me examine the draft version of their report so that I could prepare a response to it. Naturally, the first question I asked was whether they had investigated Monique’s molestation of my daughter. They said they had not investigated it at all. I was shocked because this is what had actually initiated the breakup. From the 9th to the 14th of April I frantically attempted to find someone to examine my child.
Friday 14 April 1999:
I telephoned an organization called ACCESS in the Hague that advertises that they have English-speaking therapists. They gave two numbers and one was Claire Boers Stoll.
Friday 15 April 1999:
I had an appointment with Registerd Psychotherapiost (Gereg. Psychoterapeut), Claire Boers-Stoll to explain the situation.
Friday 16 April 1999:
Ms. Boers-Stoll met with both my children separately for a half hour.
Early Tuesday 20 April 1999:
I met with Claire Bouers-Stoll to hear her report. She stated the first thing my abused daughter said, “practically before I had asked her anything,” was that Monique was much to “affectionate” with her and “much too often.” She stated that Monique was “hugging her and touching her body much too much and it made her very uncomfortable.” She also speculated that this might be because Monique was trying too hard to get my daughter to like her.
M. Boers-Stoll told me that she asked her if she had ever kissed her and my daughter said yes, but only on the cheeks (I suspect this lie was to protect Monique who she imagined would go to jail if the truth were known), and my daughter confided that even this was much too affectionate and much too often. She said that if felt much better with her father because he only kissed her at the right times like when he was dropping her off at school or when she came home from school. She repeated that Monique was much too affectionate and much too often and that this was not appropriate.
Later on Tuesday 20 April 1999 (when my daughter got home from school).
I mentioned to her that she might have to talk to the judge and that if she does she should be sure to tell the truth. I stated that maybe she thought that something she might say might get me or Monique in trouble and maybe she was worried that one of us might have to go to jail. I told her not to worry because there was absolutely nothing she could say that could make the judge put either of us in jail.
Although I hadn’t mentioned anything about the molestation, she blurted out: “Mommy has stopped kissing me on the lips ‘like that’ since we are in the new apartment.”
That she blurted this out just after I reassured her that she didn’t have to worry about Monique going to jail is a clear indication that she was trying to protect Monique during her meeting with Ms. Boers-Stoll. For a variety of reasons, my daughter had a strong belief that Monique would go to jail if anyone discovered what she was doing to her.
That she even focused on this topic indicates impropriety.
That she is very uncomfortable with the way Monique is touching her body at this time, even though the lip-kissing has [perhaps temporarily] stopped is further evidence of sexual impropriety.
My daughter promised to tell the truth about these matters to the judge! She has written letters to the judges begging them to be able to tell her story. Although it is her right to be heard in Holland (because she is over the age of 12) on this particular matter they have refused to talk with her.
When we came to America, I informed my daughter that she might have to talk to some judges about some of the things that Monique had done to her that weren’t the right sort of things a mother should do to her daughter. She stated that she was completely prepared to tell all to an American judge. No American judge ever gave her the chance. Instead they shipped her directly back into the “lions den” with no questions asked.
Morning of the 21 of April 1999
We had to go to court for another temporary access hearing. I had not received a written report from the psychotherapist so I explained the situation to the judge, handed her the letter from my daughter begging to be allowed to talk about the problem, handed her Claire Boers-Stoll’s business card and my cellular phone and asked her to call the therapist for the report. The judge completely refused to consider the matter at all; refused to look at my daughter's letter and refused to call the therapist and refused to take the charge seriously at all when in fact, this particular event was the singular most important event in causing Monique to leave with the children (her fear that I was going to report her).